I feel that the world has trained us into thinking that we need a man and that if we don’t have one then there is something wrong with us or we are lacking something. First let me say that women were God’s gift to man. In Genesis God said that it’s not good for man to be alone so He made woman. Then in proverbs it says that he who finds a wife finds a good thing and receives favor from God.
So you’re not lacking anything without a man, man should be working for you because you complete him, you are his rib. You’re the prize!
“The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”” Genesis 2:18 NIV
“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.”
Proverbs 18:22 NIV
This generation is always displaying relationships as a number one goal when that goal couldn’t be any farther from the truth.
1 Corinthians 7:17 says, “Your relationship status does not define who you are.”
This mindset has caused many to jump into loveless relationships that God did not ordain just so that they could have someone to call theirs. I’m not saying that there is anything wrong with relationships but what I am saying is that there is something wrong with entering relationships prematurely and out of God’s Will, just to reach some “common goal” and that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being single.
Singleness has many pros just as having a relationship. Both are a blessing.
People often ask, ‘Why am I single?’ or, ‘Why are you single?’, when the real question should be, ‘For what purpose are we single?’…
Singleness isn’t a curse or a punishment, it’s God by ordained. God has a reason for your season of singleness…
The same God Who orchestrates the highs in our lives is in control of the lows. He is working every aspect of our lives together for our good. Meaning there is a reason for our seasons of singleness just as much as there is a reason for our cuffed seasons. God has a purpose behind everything He does in our lives. If we are single that means that there is something we are to learn or accomplish alone that we couldn’t while distracted by a relationship.
“And don’t be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God’s place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life. Don’t think I’m being harder on you than on the others. I give this same counsel in all the churches.”
1 Corinthians 7:17 MSG
Paul even goes as far to say that he wishes everyone were single like him.
“God uses your season of singleness to focus on your relationship with Him…”
When you are single, you are able to spend more time with God and thinking about God. He is able to have your undivided attention. I know for me, when I get in relationships I tend to get too focused on who I’m dating and start to slip into idolization. I’m not saying that I bow and worship my boyfriend or pray to him. Idolization is putting anyone before God and I’ve had to repent for that. It is so easy to wake up and call your boyfriend before speaking to God or passing up on reading the Word and spending time with God so you can hang with your boyfriend- that’s idolizing him, that’s putting your boyfriend before God.
By allowing me to be single, God allows me to get refocused and dive even deeper in Him than I was able to while with a man.
Though singleness has many pros, I fully understand that it has cons as well. Some of the major cons of singleness come at the beginning of singleness where we tend to focus on why we BECAME single.
“Don’t get caught up being focused on why you BECAME single…use that energy to focus on why you ARE
single – There’s a difference…”
Focusing on why you became single entails focusing on what went wrong, what about you caused the ended relationship, what you maybe could have done to prevent it. But all of that is pointless and waisted energy. This is when we can sit back and trust in two of my favorite scriptures:
“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”
Jeremiah 29:11 NLT
“For the LORD God is our sun and our shield. He gives us grace and glory. The LORD will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right.”
Psalms 84:11 NLT
We don’t have to tear ourselves up rerunning things trying to figure out what could’ve happened or should’ve happened or what we could’ve changed because what happened is what God ordained. There’s a reason behind God allowing that relationship to end. Though you may not fully understand why He allowed it you can trust that He is working all things for good and that He withholds no good thing from His people. That right there tells me that if I don’t have it, it must not be good for me. And even if it may have seemed good, that doesn’t mean that it was God’s great.
He may be everything you asked for but that doesn’t mean that he is everything God has for you…or that he is even who God sent to you.
A wise man once said, “satan always sends the fool’s gold before God sends the real thing.”
The devil hears our prayers too…he sends fool’s gold to keep us preoccupied and distracted from developing so that we won’t be ready for the real gold that God has coming our way.
The enemy loves to send us distractions dressed up like everything we’ve been praying for.
“It didn’t happen TO you, God allowed it to happen FOR you…”
Sometimes we settle for the fool’s gold because we just don’t want to be alone, the relationship is in a way, a security blanket for us. We find our identity in it for we have lost ourselves in that person. God has to remove that person so that we are able to experience the joy of finding our identity in Him and the peace that comes when waiting on the man that He has sent.
And sometimes we don’t realize that we are in bondage until we are delivered. Some of us may have been in relationships that weren’t really relationships at all but we just felt as though they were because they mimicked one. So God had to take that man away so you could learn of Him and what real love is so you’d know what to looking for and recognize when He sends the right man your way.
Just think about how much you loved the last person you were with. How much joy you felt being with the person you thought was the one. Now envision the joy,love and peace that will come when you’re with the one God sent just for you. If you could love the wrong person so much, the true love that comes with the right one has got to be amazing.
The story of Ruth.
We love to talk about Ruth getting Boaz but we tend to skip over the part where she had to lose her first husband.
And just because you lost a man doesn’t mean that he is no good or not worth having, maybe he just isn’t who God has for you. They may have been for you then but not for you where God is taking.
Ruth was focused on fulfilling her purpose and by doing so God directed her and placed her in the perfect position to be found by Boaz. While we aren’t doing and learning what we need to while in our season of singleness we are prolonging our season of singleness.
The love God has for us
“I feel we have become confused about what love really is, mostly because we don’t fully know Who Love Is.
‘But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is Love.’
1 John 4:8…”
After discussing being single, I do want to touch on relationships just a little bit.
Love is from God for God is love, God is perfect therefore He can’t sin and since God is perfect and is Love, Love would never make you step out of the will of God to obtain it.
Any man who would make you give more to him than to God and any man who does not respect your God and who would defile Him by defiling you and having you to have sex with him before marriage to receive his love, is not the man God has for you.
Any man who would do you wrong, make you cry and not fix it, put himself before you and your feelings is not sent by God.
A man leaves his family and stays with his wife’s family so they can be sure he treats her right. He pays a price for her, he makes investments. He doesn’t get her for nothing.
God loves us so much that He sent His own Son to die for us, to have a relationship with us. He saw us worth dying for! Why would a God like that then send you a trifling man who cares more about your assets than your mindset? More about your body than your heart? More about superficial things than your spirit? He wouldn’t.
We need to learn to discern if a man is sent by God before we get in so deep that we don’t want out. We need to pray for the spirit of discernment, ask God for red flags and then pay attention to them when He sends them. But most importantly, we need to get to Know God on such a deep level now that we know His Heart, His Character, His Voice so we can know what He would or wouldn’t do and say.
Date for marriage not for recreation. I don’t know where we got the idea that dating is a recreational activity.
A man is a covering. He supposed to lead and direct. He is the head of the household.
If you’re chasing after him and he isn’t running after Jesus, he’s leading you in the wrong direction.
But wait. PAUSE! Back that up, why are you even chasing after him in the first place?
“He who finds a wife finds a good thing”, not she who finds a husband.
Girl wait on your Boaz.
“Don’t go after people going in the other direction trying to turn them around because they will end up leading you astray. That relationship won’t work. You can not be unequally yolked. Be patient.”
– Pastor Naeem
Stop giving your all for a boy who has no intentions of giving you anything in return when Christ died to have a relationship with you.
We have to reevaluate our love interests.
We have to be careful to not be so caught up in finding another man or in someone who we think is the one that we miss hearing God’s direction. We want to be sure that we have accomplished and learned all that God has for us so that we are fully ready when God sends the right man our way.
And let me add this, the purpose in our lives as women is not finding a man or getting married, our purpose on earth is to spread the Good News of Jesus. Having a companion is just something God chooses to bless us with for He said in Genesis that it isn’t good for man to be alone. But when we are in the transition period of being single, it doesn’t mean that we are lonely. God is with us and is preparing us while He is preparing the man that He has for us. We just have to trust in Him while we remain patient. And read His Word. God gives definitions of the love that He intended for us as well as examples. Read to see what God has for you so that you will be able to discern when a man doesn’t have that.
“Being alone doesn’t equal being lonely.” – Sheri VanHook DiscoverUrDestiny blog
1 Corinthians 13
God has a unique and individual reason for why each person is single but it’s all for His overall purpose.
Get to know Him so you can learn why He designed this season of singleness for you. And get all you can out of this season. Positive things that is.
“Ishmael cannot be Isaac.” – Sheri VanHook
We must stop settling just because we wish to have someone and wait on the Lord to send us the man that He intended for us to have.
When we ask God for better, when we ask God for more, a lot of times that entails Him removing the junk that is taking up space in our lives. The people who walked out of your life this year aren’t a loss because their removal is making room for all you’re about to gain in 2016. You may have had a season of loneliness in 2015 but be prepared for the abundance that The Lord is sending your way.
And remember that a man doesn’t complete you, he only compliments you.
You must first love God and love yourself or the love and acceptance of a man will be the death of you.
Singleness is not punishment it is preparation.
We are like tape. And every time we get attached to someone and then it doesn’t work and we rip apart, a part of us is left on them and some of them gets stuck on us and as we continue to date and date and date and refuse to wait in God, when we finally are discovered by the one, we can barely stick because we have been ripped off by so many men and have left so much of us and are carrying so much of them that we barely have anything left for the one intended for us. Wait on God. Don’t continue to give your body away for love and lose yourself for boys. Wait for the man that God has for you.
The love that you’re looking for cannot and will not be found in a man. It can only be found in God.
“No other Love can make us whole because we were created by any other love.”
– Pastor Naeem
“Women often view other women as a problem and men as a solution when really we women are the answer. God created us as the answer to man’s loneliness.”
Check out September’s blog post, “Single On Purpose With A Purpose”.